Section 2 – Children’s experience

Reflection card: Always.

Reveal the insight: If tension is present almost all the time, your child(ren) may be carrying a significant emotional burden. Seek support promptly. If anyone feels frightened or controlled, use the domestic abuse pathway.

Reflection card: Often.

Reveal the insight: Children who often notice tension may become worried, distracted or feel caught between adults. It would be helpful to seek support to reduce conflict and protect them from adult difficulties.

Reflection card: Sometimes.

Reveal the insight: If children sometimes notice tension, it is worth considering what they may see, hear or sense. Support can help you reduce their exposure and respond to their feelings.

Reflection card: Rarely.

Reveal the insight: Even occasional tension can be noticed by children. Calm explanations, reassurance and seeing adults repair after a disagreement can help them feel secure.

Reflection card: Never.

Reveal the insight: You may not have noticed signs that your child is aware of tension. Continue to pay attention to their behaviour and feelings, particularly during stressful periods or changes in family life.

Reflection card: I do not know / I have not thought about this.

Reveal the insight: Many children hide their feelings or communicate them through behaviour. Gently wondering what they might be noticing is a useful first step; avoid asking them to choose sides or report on the other parent. Support around this can be helpful.

Reflection card: Always.

Reveal the insight: A child who is upset, worried or withdrawn after almost every disagreement needs the adults to act. Seek support promptly, including safeguarding or domestic abuse advice where relevant.

Reflection card: Often.

Reveal the insight: If this happens often, your child may be experiencing ongoing stress. Seek family or parenting support to reduce their exposure to conflict.

Reflection card: Sometimes.

Reveal the insight: Repeated signs of worry or withdrawal deserve attention. Calm reassurance and support for the adults may help prevent the child from feeling responsible or unsafe.

Reflection card: Rarely.

Reveal the insight: An occasional reaction may signal that the disagreement affected your child. Reassure them that it was not their fault and that adults are responsible for sorting out adult problems.

Reflection card: Never.

Reveal the insight: You may not have noticed these reactions. Children respond in different ways, so keep noticing changes in mood, sleep, behaviour, school, or relationships.

Reflection card: I do not know / I have not thought about this.

Reveal the insight: Children do not always show distress clearly. Consider what has changed for them and create opportunities for them to talk to a trusted adult without being asked to take sides.

Reflection card: Almost always.

Reveal the insight: If disagreements disrupt family life almost all the time, the child’s needs may be getting lost within the adult difficulties. Seek support promptly and consider safeguarding advice if their wellbeing is being affected.

Reflection card: Often.

Reveal the insight: Frequent disruption can affect a child’s attendance, sleep, friendships and sense of security. Parenting or family support may help create more reliable arrangements.

Reflection card: Sometimes.

Reveal the insight: If routines are sometimes affected, think about which arrangements become difficult and what practical support could reduce disruption for the child.

Reflection card: Occasionally.

Reveal the insight: When most problems remain unresolved, stress can build across the family. Relationship support can help, provided both people can participate calmly, safely and without pressure.

Reflection card: Never.

Reveal the insight: Keeping routines steady can help children feel secure. Continue to protect their daily life from adult disagreements where possible.

Reflection card: I do not know / I have not thought about this.

Reveal the insight: It can be hard to see the wider impact while managing conflict. Think about changes in punctuality, attendance, sleep, activities, contact or handovers, and ask what would make life more stable for the child. Stability is often what helps to make a child feel safe and secure.