Section 3 – Everyone deserves to feel safe
We encourage everyone to think about these reflections because every current and former relationship should feel safe and respectful. You can go directly to specialist support at any point. You do not need to decide whether your experience “counts” as domestic abuse before asking for advice.
Reflection card: Always.
Reveal the insight: Nobody should feel they must stay silent all the time to manage another person’s reaction. Confidential domestic abuse support can help you think through your situation and options safely.
Reflection card: Often.
Reveal the insight: Frequently being afraid to express your views is concerning. Speak privately to a domestic abuse service or another trusted professional before considering joint relationship work.
Reflection card: Sometimes.
Reveal the insight: Regularly changing what you say because you are worried about the other person’s reaction may indicate that the relationship does not feel emotionally safe. Consider confidential advice.
Reflection card: Rarely.
Reveal the insight: Occasionally holding back your thoughts and feelings may happen in relationships, but it is worth noticing what reaction you worry about and whether you feel free to disagree.
Reflection card: Never.
Reveal the insight: Being able to express a different view without fear is an important part of a respectful relationship. Be mindful that relationships can change over time.
Reflection card: Always.
Reveal the insight: Living with constant fear or control is not acceptable and is not your fault. Contact specialist domestic abuse support from a safer device if possible. Call 999 if you are in immediate danger.
Reflection card: Often.
Reveal the insight: Often feeling this way suggests that your freedom and safety may well have been affected. Seek confidential specialist support.
Reflection card: Sometimes.
Reveal the insight: Sometimes feeling frightened, controlled or unable to be yourself is a significant concern. You can contact a domestic abuse service privately without committing to any particular action.
Reflection card: Rarely.
Reveal the insight: Even rare experiences of fear, control or being yourself are worth taking seriously. Think about what happened, whether it is changing and whether you would like confidential advice.
Reflection card: Never.
Reveal the insight: It is positive if you feel safe and able to be yourself. No single answer can establish that a relationship is safe, so trust your instincts if anything starts to worry you.
Reflection card: Always.
Reveal the insight: Being routinely prevented from contacting people is a serious form of control. Contact domestic abuse support. Call 999 if you are in immediate danger.
Reflection card: Often.
Reveal the insight: Frequent interference with your friendships or family relationships is concerning and may increase your isolation. Seek specialist support privately.
Reflection card: Sometimes.
Reveal the insight: Repeated attempts to isolate you from other people may be controlling behaviour. Consider speaking confidentially to a domestic abuse service or another trusted professional.
Reflection card: Rarely.
Reveal the insight: Even an isolated attempt to restrict your contact with others is worth noticing, particularly if it forms part of a wider pattern of jealousy, monitoring or controlling you.
Reflection card: Never.
Reveal the insight: Maintaining supportive relationships is important. A respectful partner or former partner should not decide who you are allowed to see or speak to.
Reflection card: Always.
Reveal the insight: Constant control of money or access to essentials is serious. Specialist services can help with safety, finances and practical options. Use a safer phone or other device if your activity may be monitored.
Reflection card: Often.
Reveal the insight: Frequent financial control can make it difficult to leave, seek help for you and any children. Contact a domestic abuse service privately.
Reflection card: Sometimes.
Reveal the insight: Sometimes being denied access to money or controlled through finances may be economic abuse. Confidential specialist advice can help you understand your options.
Reflection card: Rarely.
Reveal the insight: A rare incident may still matter, especially if money was withheld, debts were created, spending was monitored, or you were prevented from meeting yours or your child(rens)'s basic needs.
Reflection card: Never.
Reveal the insight: Both people should be able to understand and take part in financial decisions that affect them. Financial arrangements can differ, but they should not be used to control, punish or restrict someone.
Reflection card: Always.
Reveal the insight: Constant monitoring or control is serious. Use a safer device to seek help where possible. Do not rely on deleting history or using a quick-exit button to make activity invisible.
Reflection card: Often.
Reveal the insight: Frequent monitoring can significantly restrict freedom and may increase risk. Contact specialist domestic abuse support privately before changing passwords, settings or devices if you know the other person may react.
Reflection card: Sometimes.
Reveal the insight: Repeated monitoring or control may be technology-facilitated or coercive behaviour. Seek advice using a device or account the other person cannot access, if possible.
Reflection card: Rarely.
Reveal the insight: Even occasional monitoring may be concerning if it was unwanted or made you change your behaviour. Consider whether it sits within a wider pattern.
Reflection card: Never.
Reveal the insight: Privacy and personal freedom are important in any relationship. Access should be freely agreed by you, not demanded or used to monitor someone.
Worried about safety in your relationship? Get confidential support.